if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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