I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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