420 ftw
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize