Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
