I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
