What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
where am i from again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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