Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
