i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Houston, we have a squirter
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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