Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
