Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
