She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When are your genitals available?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
