Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
