with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
