I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
