she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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