Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
