I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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