i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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