i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Randomize
