I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
