she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is Oprah even human
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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