operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize