If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
