My nipple is on Facebook.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
