I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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