Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
