never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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