So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
