we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
