dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
