She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize