Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
