moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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