Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need to get me chipped asap
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
