btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
