Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
