OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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