Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Houston, we have a squirter
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
