Can i not drive my cunt home
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just pee around me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
