apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
