covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
