Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
