Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
