Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
