I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
