paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
