I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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