but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
