Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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