I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
