Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize