my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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