It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize