She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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