Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Someone signed my nipple.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
