can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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