If i come over, it means nothing
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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