Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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