she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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