Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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