we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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