I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
