How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
