Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
