Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
