do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
