At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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