apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
